For couples
Couples therapy in San Mateo, CA
I'm Peter Ehrhorn, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist offering couples therapy in San Mateo, with in-person sessions on the Peninsula and virtual sessions available across California. I help couples who feel stuck, disconnected, or caught in repeating arguments find their way back to each other.
Often by the time people reach out, something important has gone flat. Communication feels harder than it should. Emotional intimacy has faded. The friendship that used to hold things together has fallen by the wayside.
You don't necessarily need a referee. You need someone who can help you see what's actually happening between you, and give you real tools to shift it. I help couples break cycles of disconnection, resentment, and avoidance. If this resonates, let's talk.
My approach
What the work actually looks like
My approach is an eclectic mix of therapy modalities, because one size does not fit all. I draw on the modalities with the strongest evidence base for couples: the Gottman Method for understanding what predicts connection versus contempt, Emotionally Focused Therapy for the attachment dynamics underneath your most painful arguments, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for practical tools, Narrative Therapy for rewriting our internal narratives, and Relational Life Therapy when one or both of you needs honest feedback about what you're bringing to the dance.
When there's been an affair or a serious breach of trust, I work from structured infidelity frameworks designed specifically for that kind of repair — because "talking it out" isn't enough, and you both know it. But methods are scaffolding. The real work is relational.
What you can expect from me
I'm active, not silent. I call it how I see it, including the things that can be hard to hear. I use humor where humor helps, and I won't waste your time pretending neutrality when one of you is doing something that's hurting the relationship. I also won't take sides. My loyalty is to the relationship you're trying to build, which sometimes means challenging each of you in turn.
Who this works best for
Couples who are tired of having the same argument and ready to do something different. Partners willing to look at their own contribution, not just their spouse's. People who want a therapist who'll be warm and tell them the truth because both matter.
Areas of focus
Issues I commonly work with
- 01Communication breakdowns and repeating arguments
- 02Loss of emotional or physical intimacy
- 03Recovering from infidelity or betrayal
- 04Parenting conflicts and co-parenting stress
- 05Money, finances, and lifestyle differences
- 06Premarital counseling and engagement preparation
- 07Blended family and stepparenting challenges
- 08Life transitions: New baby, job loss, retirement, relocation
- 09Considering separation, or wanting clarity before moving forward
What to expect
How the work unfolds
01
The free consultation
We start with a 25-minute phone consultation, free of charge. You can both be on the call or just one of you. The goal is for you to get a feel for how I work and ask any questions about logistics, fit, or approach.
02
The first session
If we decide to move forward, the first session is 50 minutes and focused on understanding what's been happening, what's brought you here now, and what each of you hopes therapy will help with.
03
The first few weeks
Most couples meet weekly to start. The early work focuses on de-escalating the cycles that keep happening, building a clearer picture of the patterns underneath, and giving each of you tools you can use in the moment when things get hot.
04
As things shift
Once the immediate reactivity is calmer, sessions move toward the deeper work understanding longer-standing patterns, rebuilding emotional closeness, and addressing the specific issues that brought you in.
Let's invest in your relationship
Seen, heard, understood, respected
Across the couples I see, four things have to be in place for therapy to move. When any of these are missing the relationship gets stuck in the same arguments, the same shutdowns, the same distance. Much of our work together is about restoring these four, one at a time.
Seen
For better or for worse, we desire for our spouse to see us and accept us for all that we are. This doesn't mean they need to like every bit of us, but it does mean that they care enough about us to see us for who we are, rather than who the other wants us to be.
Heard
"You aren't listening!" Does this sound familiar? I help couples learn to listen to understand, rather than wait for their moment to speak.
Understood
Empathy is key to any relationship. Without it, people struggle to find safety. Understanding someone else doesn't necessarily mean you agree with them, it means you honor them enough to learn how they see you and the world around them.
Respected
Respect is about showing someone they are important, valuable and worthy of esteem. I help couples communicate love and respect for one another in a way that can be heard, seen and understood by the person receiving it.