Couples Therapy in San Mateo, CA
I'm Peter Ehrhorn, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist offering couples therapy in San Mateo, CA, with in-person sessions on the Peninsula and virtual sessions available across California. I help couples who feel stuck, disconnected, or caught in repeating arguments find their way back to each other.
Often by the time people reach out, something important has gone flat. Communication feels harder than it should. Emotional intimacy has faded. The friendship that used to hold things together has fallen by the wayside.
You don't necessarily need a referee. You need someone who can help you see what's actually happening between you and give you real tools to shift it.
I help couples break cycles of disconnection, resentment, and avoidance so they can find their way back to each other.
If this resonates, let's talk.
My Approach
What the work actually looks like
My approach is an eclectic mix of therapy modalities because one size does not fit all. I draw on the modalities with the strongest evidence base for couples: the Gottman Method for understanding what predicts connection versus contempt, Emotionally Focused Therapy for the attachment dynamics underneath your most painful arguments, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for practical tools, Narrative Therapy for rewriting our internal narratives, and Relational Life Therapy when one or both of you needs honest feedback about what you're bringing to the dance. When there's been an affair or a serious breach of trust, I work from structured infidelity frameworks designed specifically for that kind of repair — because "talking it out" isn't enough, and you both know it.
But methods are scaffolding. The real work is relational.
What you can expect from me
I'm active, not silent. I call it how I see it — including the things that are hard to hear. I use humor where humor helps, and I won't waste your time pretending neutrality when one of you is doing something that's hurting the relationship. I also won't take sides. My loyalty is to the relationship you're trying to build, which sometimes means challenging each of you in turn.
You'll leave sessions with language for what's happening between you, frameworks you can actually use during the week, and over time, a felt sense that you're on the same team again, even when you disagree.
Who this works best for
Couples who are tired of having the same argument and ready to do something different. Partners willing to look at their own contribution, not just their spouse's. People who want a therapist who'll be warm and tell them the truth — because both matter.
If you're at the point where something has to change, you're already further along than you think. Let's figure out what that something is.
Issues I commonly work with
Couples come to therapy for many reasons. Some of the most common areas I work with include:
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Communication breakdowns and repeating arguments
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Loss of emotional or physical intimacy
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Recovering from infidelity or betrayal
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Parenting conflicts and co-parenting stress
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Money, finances, and lifestyle differences
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Premarital counseling and engagement preparation
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Blended family and stepparenting challenges
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Navigating life transitions — new baby, job loss, retirement, relocation
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Considering separation or wanting to make a clear decision before moving forward
Whatever brings you here, the work usually starts the same way: understanding what's actually happening between you, and what each of you needs that isn't getting through.
What To Expect
The free consultation. We start with a 30-minute phone or video consultation, free of charge. You can both be on the call or just one of you. The goal is for you to get a feel for how I work and ask any questions about logistics, fit, or approach.
The first session. If we decide to move forward, the first session is 50 minutes and focused on understanding what's been happening, what's brought you here now, and what each of you hopes therapy will help with.
The first few weeks. Most couples meet weekly to start. The early work focuses on de-escalating the cycles that keep happening, building a clearer picture of the patterns underneath, and giving each of you tools you can use in the moment when things get hot.
As things shift. Once the immediate reactivity is calmer, sessions move toward the deeper work — understanding longer-standing patterns, rebuilding emotional closeness, and addressing the specific issues that brought you in.
Let's invest in your relationship
Across the couples I see, four things have to be in place for therapy to move: each partner needs to feel Seen, Heard, Understood, and Respected. When any of these are missing — even one — the relationship gets stuck in the same arguments, the same shutdowns, the same distance. Much of our work together is about restoring these four, one at a time.
Seen
For better or for worse, we desire for our spouse to see us and accept us for all that we are. This doesn't mean they need to like every bit of us (we may not either), but it does mean that they care enough about us to see us for who we are, rather than who the other wants us to be.
Heard
"You aren't listening!" Does this sound familiar? I help couples learn to listen to understand, rather than wait for their moment to speak.
Understood
Empathy is key to any relationship. Without it, people struggle to find safety in the relationship. Couples therapy helps facilitate understanding of your partner's thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Understanding someone else doesn't necessarily mean you agree with them, it just means you honor them enough to learn how they see you and the world around them.
Respected
Respect is about showing someone they are important, valuable and worthy of esteem (feeling positive about themselves). Whether we like it or not, the way our spouse feels about us matters. I help couples communicate love and respect for one another in a way that can be heard, seen and understood by the person receiving it. In many ways, respect becomes a by-product of these components.